i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
