And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
