I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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