okay pat passed out under dana's car
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
