You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
