just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
