Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
