i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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