i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
