I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she peed on how many people?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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