The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
