Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
