you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
