Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
