I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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