; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
