I am in a vortex of obligation.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
