Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He did a backflip because drugs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
