I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
