I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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