I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
