they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
