She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you never un-have a 4some
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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