Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
