420 ftw
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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