Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
