Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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