11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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