and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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