When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
