my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
