the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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