Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
