This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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