If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
