My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
we should paint friendship bongs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
