I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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