Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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