A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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