Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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