I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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