everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
