he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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