I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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