Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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