The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
