my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
