so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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