I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize