so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
