I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
