So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
