What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
