the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
