party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
