just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
