sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
