Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
