Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
