Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Randomize
