Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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