I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
