She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
