So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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