HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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