FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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