you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
