no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
